Well…. Thank you all for your birthday wishes!! I really appreciate it!
It means so much to me! It’s weird having your birthday in the mission…does not feel like your birthday…
but anyways…. well to be honest with you guys… I have been struggling with doubts… about the church… my testimony… a lot of things… Satan really attacks us hard… anyways, it has lasted for a long time.. over a month… now… let me try to explain the feeling. Like the most deeply rooted feeling of insecureness about ones belief, where everytime one thinks of something of the church of their beliefs the question arises are you sure… until the point of where the question is formed into a statement… go home… quit… and so I personally have been feeling this way and it wasn’t about one thing or a couple… about a lot… now I was not going to quit.. but it was a very uncomfortable feeling… it made me react in a way that my Father in Heaven did not want… looking for signs… THAT IS NOT HOW WE GAIN A TESTIMONY. I am so grateful for this trial. I can’t say it will end… I cannot say it has been easy… I cannot say I hoped for it… But I can say I am grateful for it… now the question… why?
Brother Casas… Returned Missionary… sealed in the temple… inactive for over a year… has no desire to return… why? Because he went through, might be going through at this moment, what I am. It was one of the most spiritual lessons I have had. It was amazing. We were able to understand each other. I was used as a vessel to help one of God’s children. Was the best feeling I have felt to help someone…
I was able to discover a gift that my Father in Heaven has given me… if I had not been in a humble state… maybe I would not have realized it… I cried tears of sadness for how long I had not paid attention to this gift and pushed it away thinking it was me being weird… yet tears of joy knowing God prepared this to help me realize this and trust more in Him and in myself.
I have learned more about faith than I have in my whole life. It amazes me how much I could learn about this topic when I thought I had a grasp on it. I had no idea what faith was nor do I now. I must continue learning… never will we know all…
I have been humbled.. spiritually… I have seen the Lords hand work in my life and felt his pure love and joy. I have seen how he sent an Apostle and a 70 to answer questions I had. God loves me. He has a plan for me and I am so quick to forget that. Wow… he has done so much for me…
I was able to help my companion with trials he was having that I have had….
now the question… how?
Because God put a trial in my life.
I am thankful for trials… like Chris Williams said from a Mormon message… “not because they are easy or hoped for… but because they make us love”. They make us learn, they make us humble, they make us… us.
Anyways… apart from that… Bro. Orellan who we rescued has gotten a little sick, yet he came to church and stayed the three hours and we visited him and he told us how all of Sunday he had read his scriptures, the Liahona, and watched church videos and he felt the Lord strengthen him to keep going forward… and he was also humble enough to have questions and also recieve the answers by the spirit through us. He was also able to recieve them in a way where he wants to apply them and wow…. IT WAS AMAZING.
Wow! and a quick little funny story… we contacted a lady yesterday.. I began talking about the restoration and she cut me off and went off about how members of our church are jealous, covetous, mean, hateful, look for the bad, self centered and then asked if we were elders we told her yes, she called us liars and said good night and shut the door in our face… wow. I felt an awful spirit yet knew we were doing good and we held our cool and kept going forward. It was awesome! hahaha.
Well I love you all and thank you so much for all you do for me! I love my family so much and how much they support me! Keep paying your tithing, going to church, doing family home evening because its true whether we believe it or not.